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| wow. so much has happened since the last time i posted something on xanga. im finally a senior and its been like my second week of school. the boyfriend that i was madly in love with cheated on me in june, and i saw him for the first time over the weekend at a party. he started crying and got jealous that i was dancing with a guy. he said he wants me back in his life, but its been like four or five days since then and he has NOT called. fuck my life.. i'll never have what we used to and its sad because im still insanely in love with him. all he does is toy with my emotions. i've tried to make myself throw up recently, but nothing comes up. it's frustrating and annoying. i dont look at food as pleasurable anymore, everything makes me feel sick and disgusting. i want to be rediculously skinny for the first time. like, you walk by me and your like "DAMN that girl is skinny!". im tried of always talking about being pencil-thin and never doing it. if you really care, then you'll have the will-power. im done fucking around.
UGW-- 100 or 105
CW-- ~114/15
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| im freaking out so bad. im 115 but i feel and look like 2380. i try to work out and eat really healthy but nothing is fucking working. i LOOK WORSE WHEN I TRY TO BETTER MYSELF. im also freaking out about not getting my period tommorw bc im worried about pregnancy.. but im one of those ppl that freak out about anything w/ sex. i feel like my stomach is HUGE and just FUCK. I HATE MYSELF.
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| so im 115... which is not fat but definetly not satisfying for me. i want to be as skinny as the victoria secret models! i want the attention that i deserve. lately i have not been able to resist food & i can't say no to food. and since now cheerleading is over i need to start going back to the gym.. can anyone please give me helpful advice?? PLEASE, GIVE ME ANY ADVICE! | | |
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so i haven't been writing lately because i've been so busy with things and finishing up school stuff, but i still have been getting on and reading other people's posts. i see a lot of people writing and writing and i feel like they are doing nothing for themselves bc they don't have enough WILL POWER. if your 130 something pounds stop saying that your going to look like megan fox and JUST DO IT! if you care that much then you should have the will power to eat healthier foods, not eat late & binge, & work out instead of reaching for the cookie jar after you post a weblog. sorry that's just my thought of the moment.
i wish everyone the best of luck this year and i hope all your weight wishes come true. i realllyyyy want to be 90 to 95 by the end of 2009 & i pray that i have enough will power to make it happen. over the holidays its been so hard to keep up with what i've been eating so i don't think i've gained any, but i don't think i've lost either. i think i'm around 113. it sucks that i don't drive because i'd be at the gym all the time.
my throat feels horrible the past few nights! i think i have tonsillitis =( but i'm scared of any surgeries unless its like a nose job because anesthesia is so freakkyyyyy!! but besides that, my boyfriend and i just had our 3 month and he is absolutely the perfect boy for me =] i hope everyone finds such a caring & loving & giving guy like mine this year.. only if you deserve it though lol!
BEST OF LUCK EVERYONE!
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| so i weighed in this morning at 112.. which made me realllyyy happy. i'm tired of fucking up so i really want be careful on what i eat today. i have a basketball game to cheer at today so hopefully i'll be burning a lot of calories. finals are coming up with the following week & i AM SO STRESSED out idk what to do!! i'm going to take ADD medicine to help me focus.. & eat less =[
GOOD LUCK TODAY EVERYONE!
iNTAKE:
fiber-one cerial w/ skim milk- 160ish?
orange vitamin drink- 20
fiber vitamins
I'LL POST BACK LATER!! <3
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