tanorexic__xo's Xanga

i'm back!

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:44:15 GMT

wow. so much has happened since the last time i posted something on xanga. im finally a senior and its been like my second week of school. the boyfriend that i was madly in love with cheated on me in june, and i saw him for the first time over the weekend at a party. he started crying and got jealous that i was dancing with a guy. he said he wants me back in his life, but its been like four or five days since then and he has NOT called. fuck my life.. i'll never have what we used to and its sad because im still insanely in love with him. all he does is toy with my emotions. i've tried to make myself throw up recently, but nothing comes up. it's frustrating and annoying. i dont look at food as pleasurable anymore, everything makes me feel sick and disgusting. i want to be rediculously skinny for the first time. like, you walk by me and your like "DAMN that girl is skinny!". im tried of always talking about being pencil-thin and never doing it. if you really care, then you'll have the will-power. im done fucking around.

UGW-- 100 or 105
CW-- ~114/15

FUCK.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 03:11:05 GMT

im freaking out so bad. im 115 but i feel and look like 2380. i try to work out and eat really healthy but nothing is fucking working. i LOOK WORSE WHEN I TRY TO BETTER MYSELF. im also freaking out about not getting my period tommorw bc im worried about pregnancy.. but im one of those ppl that freak out about anything w/ sex. i feel like my stomach is HUGE and just FUCK. I HATE MYSELF.

i need some serious motivation

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 13:41:05 GMT

so im 115... which is not fat but definetly not satisfying for me. i want to be as skinny as the victoria secret models! i want the attention that i deserve. lately i have not been able to resist food & i can't say no to food. and since now cheerleading is over i need to start going back to the gym.. can anyone please give me helpful advice??

PLEASE, GIVE ME ANY ADVICE!

happy new year !

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 03:37:39 GMT

so i haven't been writing lately because i've been so busy with things and finishing up school stuff, but i still have been getting on and reading other people's posts. i see a lot of people writing and writing and i feel like they are doing nothing for themselves bc they don't have enough WILL POWER. if your 130 something pounds stop saying that your going to look like megan fox and JUST DO IT! if you care that much then you should have the will power to eat healthier foods, not eat late & binge, & work out instead of reaching for the cookie jar after you post a weblog. sorry that's just my thought of the moment.

i wish everyone the best of luck this year and i hope all your weight wishes come true. i realllyyyy want to be 90 to 95 by the end of 2009 & i pray that i have enough will power to make it happen. over the holidays its been so hard to keep up with what i've been eating so i don't think i've gained any, but i don't think i've lost either. i think i'm around 113. it sucks that i don't drive because i'd be at the gym all the time.

my throat feels horrible the past few nights! i think i have tonsillitis =( but i'm scared of any surgeries unless its like a nose job because anesthesia is so freakkyyyyy!! but besides that, my boyfriend and i just had our 3 month and he is absolutely the perfect boy for me =] i hope everyone finds such a caring & loving & giving guy like mine this year.. only if you deserve it though lol!

BEST OF LUCK EVERYONE!

112.5

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 15:31:04 GMT

so i weighed in this morning at 112.. which made me realllyyy happy. i'm tired of fucking up so i really want be careful on what i eat today. i have a basketball game to cheer at today so hopefully i'll be burning a lot of calories. finals are coming up with the following week & i AM SO STRESSED out idk what to do!! i'm going to take ADD medicine to help me focus.. & eat less =[

GOOD LUCK TODAY EVERYONE!

iNTAKE:
fiber-one cerial w/ skim milk- 160ish?
orange vitamin drink- 20
fiber vitamins

I'LL POST BACK LATER!! <3

114.5 ... NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:44:27 GMT

my weight is starting to drive me crazy! i watch what i eat.. i'm usually very good and i'm still not dropping like i had hoped! i worked out at the gym today & did realllyy good.. then i went in the sauna and steam room. i've been cheering but it hasn't really been helping my weight. i have some muscles though & that could be why i'm not dropping as much. i'm still taking the firm and tone vitamins and i think its slowly working & i've been taking fiber vitamins which i like a lot too. i also went tanning today which made me very happy =) soo tommrow is thanksgiving & i've been thinking soooo hard if i want to purge!!! but im so scared to try it! what do you guys think? i need your help! also, do you think laxatives actually work? anyways, goodbye for now.. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

--damage
*power bar- 300
*vit/fiber-?
*honey chicken w/ a little rice &
green beans-?
*tangerine-?
*green beans w/ potatoes & a little meat-?

--rescue
*atleast 30 minutes on the treadmill
*running machine for 10 minutes (100 calories)
*abs, legs, back, hamstrings

i'm going to go workout again... NIGHT L<3VES!

MOTIVATE ME!

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:42:27 GMT

UGHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME LATELY! the last time i checked i was 114!!! =[ i was doing so well but i thought that eating an extra piece or two of food wouldn't make a difference... BUT IT DID! even after cheerleading i feel HUGE. i need someone to motivate me.... PLEASEEE!!! REMIND ME WHY EATING THAT CHOCOLATE CAKE IN THE KITCHEN IS NOT WORTH IT!!!

on a happier and less phycho note... i'm taking these firming and toning vitamins and it supposed to make the appearance of stretch marks and cellulite dramatically disapper so i'm PRAYING it works =)

night lovesssss. please help me be strong!

i want her nose.. her lips.. her eyebrows.. bone structure.. i want to BE her!!

=]

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 01:31:21 GMT

so i haven't written in a while but i've been so busy with school! first off, i'd like to start by saying this: why is it that i have added/ people have added me to their friend list.. but whenever i ask for advice or tips on comments, they never help me? are you guys like stingy to share weight loss or something? idk but i'm going to have to edit my friend list this weekend. ANYWAY.. i've been eating soooo healthy for the last three days which makes me so happy =]
lots of water, fruits & CONTROL!

sept 2: 118.5
sept 3: 118
sept 4: 117.5

it's pretty steady.. and luckily i don't have to starve to lose the extra pounds.

stressed.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:15:14 GMT

so i am happy/sad & it's kind of annoying how i can't figure myself out sometimes. today i was standing next to this kid who made my thigh look like 500 pounds compared to his.. he said that he runs a lot but whatev. After school I went straight to the gym & walk/jogged on the treadmill for an hour =] i was so proud & i did some machines too. But still I went home & wasn't happen.. I guess it's because I expect results NOW. But 120 is not good enough for me.. i used to more tiny & i miss that. I want all the girls at school to look at me with envy.. i miss that feeling.

today i was reading that megan fox said she drinks vinegar to lose weight. it sounds absolutely disgusting.. has anyone tried it like that? i'd really like to know.

bettahh.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:51:55 GMT

so lucky my asthma has chilled and i've been able to breathe for the last couple days. i take an inhaler twice a day and i take a pill for it too so it helps. since school has started i've been eating pretty healthy but i could be eating better. i'm going to the gym tonight which makes me so happy because i haven't been able to. i went on the scale, which i believe is wrong, and it said 117. i really hate my thighs and stomach right now, but i'll get through it. i know that when i start working out again i'll be in good shape. xo.